October has snuck up on me, and that’s a privilege. In the UK, this is when Breast Cancer Awareness Month takes place annually, and the backlash has steadily built year on year. However, big brands often still aren’t paying attention to this fact (top tip: when something like this happens, it’s because money is being made), and a lot of members of the public just don’t know how to do better.

Buckle up, because this could be a bumpy ride – I promise it’ll be worth it.

Who am I to criticise Breast Cancer Awareness Month?
I’m a cancer survivor and specialist personal trainer, qualified to work with people who are going to be treated for cancer, are currently on active treatment, or are post-treatment (be that in the recent or distant past). As well as supporting others via my work, I advocate for the cancer community (particularly the adolescent and young adult – also known as AYA – sector), and share my own experiences in order to give information on what it’s like to experience diagnosis, treatment and recovery.

I’ve also spent the last six years working in the funeral sector, specifically marketing it. There have been a lot of interesting lessons there, and the clearest parallels are being able to learn from those who are bereaved and experience the triggers of retail and social media campaigns which often feel insensitive. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to avoid these kinds of reminders both in person and online, and October carries the same energy for the cancer community.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month: surely it’s a good thing?!
Thirty years ago, I might’ve agreed with you. Pre-internet and with the retail space being very different, I’d have understood. But breast cancer is one of the most common types, so chances are most of us have experienced it by way of someone we know having gone through it, even if we haven’t ourselves. Many high-profile celebrities – from Kylie Minogue and Julia Bradberry to Sarah Beeny and Angelina Jolie – have openly discussed their experiences.

Think also about other Awareness Months you know about relating to cancer. I’ll wait. Can you tell me when Lung Cancer Awareness Month is? Or Bowel? Or Bladder? They’re November, April, and May respectively. I had to Google them all. Why?

Because the patriarchy decided that breasts are appealing.

Why is Breast Cancer Awareness Month a problem?
Great question, I’m glad you asked.

It has long been a commercial event. October is used to sell products, in a specific colour (pink! Of course!), supposedly to help fund research or support. I say supposedly, because whilst brands tend to disclose the percentage of profits donated, those amounts tend to be pretty small.

Breast cancer treatment success rates have not been funded by the sale of lipsticks and tote bags during October. Research and development has happened thanks to decades of tireless work by medics and scientists to further this cause. Data has been endlessly gathered and analysed. That work continues year-round, and is not maintained via 5% of the profit margin on t-shirt sales.

And those who have had breast cancer or supported someone else through it? Trust me when I tell you that they are keenly aware that it exists. They have seen the good, bad, and ugly, and if they are still here to tell the tale, they are left with physical scars and plenty of emotional trauma. They do not need a load of topless “real women” in a range of shades of pink thongs encouraging people to “check your tatas” and incentivising purchases over a certain amount by provision of two free (pink!) thongs into the bargain.

What can allies do to help during Breast Cancer Awareness Month?
Still with me? Thank you. Here are some top tips…

1. Donate if you can – and don’t feel compelled to donate to breast cancer causes if you don’t want to! If there’s another charity or cause which you prefer, they will absolutely value your donation. In terms of breast cancer, the areas which really need support are those funding research into secondary breast cancer, or supporting those who are in that position. You could also send your money towards the AYA community via Trekstock or TYAC. A final charity I love is Flat Friends

2. Do your research – yes, your friends with lived experience are an information goldmine. They are also probably tired. And you are here on the internet, please read as much as you can and, if you want to…

3. Help your friends – a big one would be to ask them at any time of year what they need from you. Send them a text, and follow through. Above all, never, ever ask what caused their cancer (it often feels as though you’re asking in order to take action and avoid the same fate, which we of course want for you, but also makes us feel bad about ourselves). If your friend wants to talk, listen, nod, and hand them a tissue

What can those with lived experience do during Breast Cancer Awareness Month?
Hide. Honestly. If that’s what you need, go right ahead and do it. Disappear from social media. Avoid all stores which sell beauty products. Ignore commercial TV channels. Stop responding to messages that require emotional labour. It’s absolutely ok. There are plenty of people making noise, so it’s fine if you don’t have the energy to contribute to it. You’ll need to save said energy for 1st November when the rest of the world drops the topic and you continue living the reality.

Wake me up when October ends
I support cancer patients and survivors year-round. Dates and occasions of difficulty pass throughout this time – anniversaries of diagnosis and treatment, and our own birthdays or other special occasions can be very challenging. Cancer happens every day, and that’s when our community needs our help.

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