Horsham-based female personal trainer, Becky, doesn’t just work in a gym! In order to continue developing her skills, and take care of herself fully, she seeks out a variety of opportunities to learn and relax. Recently, she attended a self-compassion workshop, and she found this experience very different to her previous one…
In 2022, I attended an event that had originally been scheduled for 2020, and spent two days developing my self-compassion skills. It was a transformative experience, and I left feeling satisfied and relaxed. I rarely experience the latter after a training-type event – I tend to put myself under pressure, and go away with a self-written to-do list as long as my arm, believing that I must improve as soon as possible. It was a brand new feeling for me – to accept exactly where I was, and truly trust that my journey and practice would continue without being forced or supervised.
When an announcement was made of another event in the UK with one of the facilitators – they’re both American – I knew that I had to go, and quickly booked myself a ticket, excited to continue developing. This workshop was for one day only, and it’s time to reflect on the experience…
Self-compassion workshop – the before
It’s actually only in writing this post after the event that I’ve recognised another way in which I’ve evolved – I did no formal preparation for this event, other than booking a ticket and recommending it to a couple of friends.
For the vast majority of workshops and trainings I attend, I do at least a little revision reading, or practice, in order to walk in feeling that the knowledge was fresh in my mind. And this time I did none of that. I just showed up.
This is a clear mirror for how I walked away feeling previously – I knew that the work had already taken place, and that I was good enough, welcome, and ready to learn exactly as I was. Which is phenomenal progress for me, and something whether I wonder I can transfer to other areas of my education and development.
Whilst I attended the event in 2022 alone, this time one of my friends booked a place, and we shared excited messages as the day drew nearer.
At the event
There was quite a lot of tension in the air when we took our seats. The event had been publicised specifically to discuss self-compassion related to burnout, so it didn’t surprise me that I could feel a lot of energy in the room. We kicked off with a brilliant meditation – something I don’t always connect with, but I’m now judging myself less and less for this, and allow myself to participate however I can in the moment.
One of the first things I wrote down when the more focused learning started was something big that I noticed in myself: I’d entered the previous event nervously. I knew that I wanted to be there, but I was also worried about being less than everyone else. I didn’t think that I had enough experience, or that I was skilled enough. By the time the event ended, that had changed, and when I walked into the most recent one, I trusted myself.
I was prepared to take notes, and engage actively, but I also wasn’t stressed about having to do a certain amount of practice later, or even give myself conscious and concrete tasks at all. I understood bodily that I’d improved without doing this, that at least something had seeped in, which was a huge revelation, and something I really appreciated.
By a few hours in, I felt a little overwhelmed by the amount of information I’d already taken in, and again I didn’t put myself under any pressure. This is true self-compassion in action: to recognise that it had been a lot, and to just accept that peacefully, without trying to judge myself further or impose any sanctions. It’s normal to feel that way in a learning environment, and it’s important to give yourself what you need in those moments. As they say when defining self-compassion: treat yourself as you would a friend.
After the workshop
I went home tired, which was predictable. I was disappointed that I didn’t crash out and sleep deeply – I actually had a restless night, and it was only later that I put this down to how my brain had chosen to process things on this occasion. Again, instead of stressing out about it, I went about my day as I’d planned. I had laundry and other life admin to do. I had an exercise class to go to, and I’d booked a trip to the cinema. I allowed myself to be absorbed by all of those things, rather than letting myself get overwhelmed and upset by my brain and body’s response to a day of learning.
And I’m so much healthier for that response.
I’ve come away with the facilitators’ new book, and have decided to let things settle before I choose exactly how to work through it. I know that I won’t read it all day by day, as I do other books – my instinct is that I’ll aim to cover a chapter every so often and actually do the exercises within. Beyond that, I don’t know where my journey will take me next. What I do know is that it’s having a positive impact on me, and I now trust that to continue.
You can learn more about mindful self-compassion via this website.