Isn’t it funny how life works out? Almost five years ago, I was at a networking event, working on overcoming my fear of them. And someone I was becoming friends with recommended a different event they’d recently been to, part of a series which was happening due to our local Year of Culture. The events involved dinner, and a talk by an author. “Sign me up,” I thought to myself, and scuttled off to check the schedule.
Sure enough, there were a few coming up, one of which sounded intriguing and I wasn’t doing anything else that day. So I bought myself a ticket and went along, because I was also trying to do more things by myself, and this seemed like an ideal kind of thing, due to the fact that there would be stuff to naturally talk about, and the book being discussed was one called How to Own the Room.
I enjoyed Viv’s talk, and over dinner, I put to her a dilemma I’d been having regarding an outfit for an upcoming event, and avoiding sexist behaviour – one day we’ll go ahead with our plan for a “Keep Off the Grass” pashmina range – and left full of confidence and ideas.
Viv and I stayed in touch via social media, and enjoyed enthusiastic discussions of the sparkliest show on TV which also happens to be about having confidence in yourself. And when her next book Lift As You Climb came out early the following year, I was incredibly lucky to win a proof copy, then see her in person and get it signed, enjoying one of the last hugs I had before lockdown. I know, the less said about the debacle the better, and I also know that it impacted Viv deeply, due to promotion for the book being seriously curtailed.
But via the power of wifi, the phoenix rose, and spent many hours telling people (including myself) How to Own Zoom (pro tip: cover the screen, and stare with all of your might at that tiny weeny camera; only speak for a maximum of 20 minutes). And then she got to work on her latest book (plus various other projects) Happy High Status. I think I squealed when I found out the title, because it’s a concept Viv has touched on in her other books, and one which means a lot to me.
Essentially, to be Happy High Status, you are secure in yourself, your ability, and your status. You allow space for others to exist alongside you in the same expertise, knowing that their light shining doesn’t dim your own. It is the serene and powerful confidence of someone who knows who they are and what they’re good at, and is open to learning and growing.
It’s very rare that I’m enthusiastic enough about a book to pre-order it, but this one went straight to checkout, and I was delighted when it arrived on publication day at the end of June. Even more so because I had a spot reserved at a launch party for the book the following week!
Whilst Viv and I have continued to message back and forth about sequins and fake tan and room-owning judges, we hadn’t met again in person since that day just before the world went weird. And the embrace I received on arrival at the launch venue was befitting of that fact. Viv opened her arms to me and, at her own party, took the time to share that she was pleased to have me there. She also immediately introduced me to someone she thought I would enjoy talking to who happened to have arrived at the same time as I had.
Someone who preaches about Owning Rooms can’t very well hold an event without speaking, and Viv duly thanked everyone for being present and continuing to support her work, whilst sharing a little more about it. She closed with a favourite quote from Maya Angelou, reminding us that people will forget what we did and what we said, but instead will remember how we made them feel. And I walked away feeling both proud and content, signed book safely in my hands.
I’m not going to spoil the book for you, but it does contain some significant parallels to things I’m frequently asked as a personal trainer. Because confidence isn’t just about boardrooms and stages, it’s about anything we want to do in life. The fact that we all tend to skip learning is that confidence isn’t actually a thing, though. It isn’t butter or flour or cabbage – it’s not a one-ingredient item you purchase at the supermarket, but rather a unique blend of herbs, spices, ingredients, successes, failures, blood, sweat and tears which make up each of us.
And once you accept that, you have created the swan-like serene and confident happy high status version of yourself.