I can’t quite believe that I finally attended this course. Booked way back in the depths of 2019 (remember it? “PPE” was a term few of us used; vaccines were only hotly-debated for the under 12s; we thought nothing of violently exhaling over a burning cake that we were about to share…), and understandably postponed twice, I’ve now reclaimed the penultimate experience that the pandemic stole from me. I spent the first weekend in July 2022 on a Mindful Self-Compassion Core Skills course in Brighton, and here I’m going to share more about the concept and my favourite learnings…
What is mindful self-compassion?!
It started with me reading a book. I’ve read a lot of things which fall into the pop psych/self-help genre, and this is one which resonated a little deeper. Self-compassion is a concept crystallised by Kristin Neff and Chris Germer in the US, and it’s built on the ideas of common humanity, mindfulness and…
I can’t remember how I heard about the course, but it was soon after I’d read Kristin’s first book (the second was published just last year – I’ll come back to that), and I was immediately drawn to attending, but there was another obstacle. I wasn’t in a fantastic place in terms of self-worth at the time; I kept looking at the booking page and not reserving a place, struggling with the idea of financially investing in it too. With some encouragement from a friend (thank you, Emma!), I reserved my place on the last day of early bird registrations, and began counting down…
And then I waited
When COVID picked up speed and locked the world down in March of 2020, it was a case of when I’d hear the course was cancelled, rather than if. International travel was a complete non-starter, which meant that Kristin and Chris wouldn’t be able to come and facilitate. The organisers offered a Zoom option, which I politely declined: I knew that this would be best experienced in-person; I’d already paid my fee and was fortunate enough not to be in a position of missing the money, so I decided to hold out.
Originally, the course was moved to 2021, but I wasn’t surprised when it was pushed by another year. I busied myself with the workbook, which I’d actually had for a while, chipping away at the exercises. Kristin’s next book was eventually published too, and I saved it for when the course drew near, which was effective, as it got me fully inspired and excited.
Finally, we made it!
And I was really glad it had been delayed. I felt better-prepared, and I know that I appreciated the experience more as a result. The welcome we were given was one of the best I’ve ever received at an event in terms of induction (and as a highly-critical professional event manager, that’s significant praise!): as we were listening to it, I felt a particular energy wash over me which made me keenly aware that I was in a room full of therapists and therapisers, and I internally groaned and braced myself.
Which is when the magic started, because Kristin laid down the law, inviting the professionals to leave their work behind and be themselves, that nobody was here to fix anyone else. From there, I went on a real journey. I accepted the reminder that I was worthy of being in the room and that I’d learn what I needed on those days…
My favourite pieces of learning
Which leads me neatly to this part! The more I think on it, the harder it is to pick just a couple of nuggets, so I’m going to go with what first springs to mind:
- Compassionate listening – this was one of the exercises we did in small groups, having shared a whole group meditation to set us up. It was a brilliant experience, involving being listened to by your group for five minutes solidly without receiving any verbal response during that time. We were encouraged to “listen from the neck down”, and practice compassionate breathing during challenging moments. The experience of being listened to so fully and unconditionally was absolutely incredible, and it’s a practice I’m keen to continue
- Savouring – the idea of lingering with a pleasant or positive experience, and being with that experience for as long as it exists was fully spelled out for us, including permitting yourself to enjoy the experience. I’m well aware that I have a tendency to rush things, and try to squeeze lots in, not sitting still with a moment or experience. But once it was offered in this context, I’ve decided to truly take it on board, and make savouring a priority
- Radical self-acceptance – I’m struggling to describe this one, because for me it now does what it says on the tin, and seems like a very straightforward concept, although embracing it isn’t necessarily easy. On day one, I noticed that one of the other delegates was wearing a Bowelbabe “Rebellious Hope” t-shirt, and I think that my brain has decided the two ideas are siblings. I’ve never considered myself to be rebellious or radical, although I think part of me would like to be, so perhaps it’s my way of giving myself that opportunity. Radical acceptance: giving yourself permission to go through whatever you are going through, and not fix yourself
This is just a tiny drop of what I’ve learned, and it’s still filtering through. It struck me that I’m now back to self-guided learning and practice, I haven’t booked my next “thing” as I’m wary of collecting certificates and hobbies without allowing things to settle. I’m trusting that the right thing will present itself, and that I’ll have the wisdom to embrace it.You can find out more about self-compassion via Kristin’s website. With great thanks to Sussex Mindfulness Centre for organising the course.