I recently asked my Instagram followers what questions they had about gaining confidence in the gym. One of my favourites was: “All the men. How to own it when it’s you and a load of men.”
And here are my ideas (as someone who’s tried a variety of strategies during the last 5 years)…
I used to channel famous female athletes I admire. Beyonce has long publicised her stage persona – Sasha Fierce – and so I found my gym version. I’ve adored Serena Williams for years, so I would encourage myself to think, “What would Serena do?” if I were struggling physically or emotionally. It tended to give me the push I needed to carry on.
Until I checked myself one day. Hang on a minute, I thought. I’m an athlete too! I, Becky, am good enough. I, Becky, can have that fierce attitude all by myself. Serena can keep her energy for herself, I can use my own. And ever since, that’s what I’ve done. I’m my own beast. Or beauty, whatever I feel like being.
Regular gym-goers are creatures of habit. Some will be transient, but if you go at the same time on the same day for months, you’ll recognise people. You probably won’t talk to them, particularly if it’s 6am. But you’ll start to nod at each other. And, as a woman, this is important. You’ll learn who’s safe. You’ll figure out who you could actually ask, or rely on, for help if the chips were fully down. Make that eye contact. Allow the exchange of smiles and the ‘good morning’, because those familiar faces will help you feel safer, welcomed, and comfortable.
When you’re away from the gym, sit down and have a think. What is it that you assume about others? What’s the energy they’re giving off that you’d like to have? And what would it take for you to have it? If it’s that you think everyone else is confident and capable, would you benefit from some coaching? Or finding a friend to train with, even temporarily? Is it that you don’t like the clothes that you train in? If so, when can you budget to get some more (honestly, everyone knows when I’ve got new shoes or leggings. Because I BOUNCE in on that day!)?
Working through some of these questions will hopefully enable you to develop a sense that you, too, deserve to take up space. That your place is valid. Having a more authoritative and assertive attitude will enable you to remind yourself that it’s ok to settle yourself on a bench, then approach the rack of dumbbells and choose the ones you want. It’ll give you the confidence to catch someone’s eye and ask how much longer they need the machine they’re using for. Because when you have a sense of purpose, when you know what your plan is for your session, you know that you’re asking those questions and using that equipment for a damn good reason, and that reason is to complete your workout as and when you choose.
As the world moves away from the blind acceptance that gender only exists in a binary, I hope that we will achieve greater equality in all environments. I hope that this allows people of all identities to be accepted, and accept themselves, in spaces where they’ve previously felt excluded or victimised. And really, that’s the first step: if you can’t accept that you deserve to be there, how is anyone else going to do it?
Need help like this with your fitness mindset? Get in touch, I’d be happy to support you!